my daily reflections…

in my early recovery those fuckin old timers used to tell me ALL about me. i would sit all butthurt wonderin just how the fuck they knew how i felt. and then they would tell me ALL about the shit i had done. i would think, bitch, ya dont know me. who da fuck are you? come at me brah! and sho nuff they would! it was the force feedin of humble pie i had always tried to avoid. but how could i get past those old bastards sittin at the big round table drinkin coffee and laughin, havin a good ol time, every damned mornin, when i came down the stairs. aint, they got any better place to be? here i was livin in hell, sufferin, havin to stay at that damned halfway house, and those old bastards wanted to be there. mannn, the memories of my early recovery. ya know, those old timers didnt truly know me for shit. i didnt grow up or get in any trouble in that area. my name NEVER was in the local paper there. but yet they knew! they knew ALL about me. after years of recovery i understand how they knew. they had been there before, the same place i was emotionally, psychologically, behaviorally, and spiritually, themselves. they fuckin knew! i understand today they werent there to pick on me personally, though it sure felt like it back then. they were there to help themselves, by helpin me. they evaluated my early recovery, makin sure i was there for ALL the right reasons and not just there for a place to lay my head. they tested my humility, my strength to want to live the change. they knew if they didnt go there for coffee every mornin to offer the forgiveness, hope, and love they had learned was their savin grace, to me, they wouldnt stay sober themselves. today i understand the blessin they were for me. i get to laugh and smile about those early learnin days. they taught me that the humility i needed was right in front of me. i just had to want it bad enough to do what it took to get it. they were at peace, and had serenity, as mean as i thought they were. its my turn today to do as they did for me, for others. i get to live the nourishin ingredient of humility and pass it on to others. i get to show them how serenity can be a direct result of an egoless, humble life. 1 day @ a time...