my daily reflections…

pride, as i understand it from the big book is simply conceit or arrogance. pride is most def a character defect if i let it be today. and sometimes even a shortcomin when i let it take hold and influence me so i dont do the shit i should be doin. when i let somethin that is conceived in my mind, a thought or idea start to guide my behavior in ways that start harmin others, its nothin more than conceit tryina show my self-conceived omnipotence. and where does that put my HP in relation to my humility? arrogance, kinda like conceit, is an offensive display of superiority or self-importance. overbearin pride is nothin more than showin my ass, when truth be known, i have no ass to show. even when i feel like i may be doin somethin that is helpful, i must pay mind to my motives. just as this mornins readin suggests, if i want to build any healthy humility, character-buildin and spiritual values must come first, and material satisfactions will come as gifts when i live a humble life. they will never precede. demandin any of the basic human wants, security, prestige, or romance, always led me to wantin more because i thought i deserved it. i could not see they were gifts granted to me. and when it was good, i wanted more. when i couldnt get enough i got frustrated and pissed and damn it everybody else had to feel like i did too. recovery showed these things through personal moral inventory. and i couldve never been made aware of em w/out an honest, courageous, willingness, to find the solutions necessary to grow and evolve humility. i need to understand that pride, just as any of my human traits can be healthy too. it is how i choose to use it. just as it may have a powerful imbalance and unhealthy sunder, it has a polar opposite of a balanced and healthy attribute. its like my recovery, i take pride in it, but not at a level where it becomes unhealthy. i can be proud of it, live my life among the world around me, and not take part in the behaviors that go against the solutions of recovery. reliance on God enables me to match calamity with serenity and live with a healthy, sane, sense of humble pride. 1 day @ a time...