my daily reflections…

pain, is what drove me to the doors of recovery. it was emotional, i couldnt handle the feelins within any more which made me feel worthless. it was psychological, the anxiety and depression i felt were consumin me. it was behavioral, i no longer had control of the behaviors i would display. it was spiritual, i had no faith in anythin, not even self in the end, only faith that alcohol would take everythin away from me, and it did. all four of these aspects affected my physical well bein, internally and externally. fortunately for me, they were the price of admission into a lifestyle i never thought i, joel, could live. i was born and raised on welfare. i wasnt posed to amount to shit. i could have never imagined anythin other than a live fast and die young life. but when i look and think of all the shit i had been through, guns pointed square at my head with the hammer pulled back, darin em to pull the trigger, the things i had done to come to those lowly places in life, the times id wished i wouldnt wake up the next mornin, the harm i caused others who never deserved what i did to them, the loss of relationships that should have never been traded, up to the beginnin of my recovery. the time ive had since my recovery began. regainin relationships that i once thought were gone forever, the ability to love others so i could love myself, earnin 4 college degrees, livin the adventure of tourin the country, meetin rock stars and professional athletes, all since my recovery began. the price of admission to all of this was high, but here i am, sittin, writin about the growth and strength my life before recovery and since has given me. i have been taught and allowed to live today with humility, cause if i didnt remain humble today, i couldnt have lived through any of it. what blessins ive received!!! the price ive paid may not mean shit to some, it may be unbelievable to another, but is the price i had to pay to get what i have today. it was what i had to live to gain a measure of humility. its my story, and im stickin to it, i have to cause its truth. i know my place and i am comfortable livin it. today i get to serve God by servin other people.1 day @ a time...