my daily reflections…

i understand today just how blessed i am to have been able to have surrendered to the disease of alcoholism. i know not everybody wants what i have, but that doesnt mean i cant humbly offer what i got. i just got off the phone with a friend who is drinkin still today. as he talked i listened to him tell of the sorrow he felt and the misery he despaired to live. he has tried several times to get sober but just cant stay stopped long enough for the cravin to pass. and when he does, the obsession he feels drives him crazy, crazy to the next first drink. i tell him, better you than me. i tell him i continue to pray and love him unconditionally. i thank him for showin me it doesnt get any better. i know i cant save him, but i can remain sober and practice my recovery. maybe thats the best thing i can do for him, idk. i know its the best thing i can do for me. i feel powerless in my attempts to help him, but also feel, as i said, the best thing i can do for him, is keep practicin my own recovery. maybe he is a lesson for me to learn from. i think if he does ever get sober, he will have one hell of a story that will help others. i had a drinkin dream the other night, imagine that, 17 + years sober and still havin drinkin dreams. in this dream, i thought i could have this much time sober and still take a couple drinks and get away with it. silly i know. i woke up feelin thankful i didnt have to live that fear. i mention this dream because like my friend, who cant decipher the real from the false, today i am blessed that i can. i reckon thats what separates me from him today. i know frothy emotional appeal will not help him, and it almost seems that confident expression combined with clarity, weight, and depth, doesnt either. in the end, i reckon my HP is speakin to me through him, helpin me live my recovery today. all i gotta do is continue to carry the message, whether another will have it or not. i pray God intervenes and helps my friend but feel graced my HP helps me through my friend. 1 day @ a time...