my daily reflections…

in approachin step 8 i had already took a look at my character defects and shortcomins. it was now time to look at the people i harmed and how i had weaponized my character defects and shortcomins to harm those around me. i had written a list in my 4th step personal moral inventory, so i had a good start, but this dive into how i used those things within to harm others was the focus i needed to take. it wasnt about me at this stage, it was about them, and i needed to make myself aware of how my personality and behaviors had selfishly harmed those who loved me the most. and here again, i needed the help of my HP and my sponsor so i could honestly write down and conceptualize the things about me that were used to get what i wanted from the ones i had harmed. it was an attempt to be of service in ways i didnt know, or could know, how to be. i needed to use the prior steps i had been practicin to make this list and honestly put pen to paper on how i used others who suffered from my character defects and shortcomins. i was to fit myself to be of maximum service to God and the people about me. they deserved this and it was my responsibility to move forward and persevere so they could be made aware of why i was doin what i had been and why i was fixin to make an amends to them. my understandin at the time was that nothin could bring them, or me, peace but the triumph of usin the uncommon principles to bring them, but more importantly, myself peace of mind. i didnt have to take the time to think about how they could or would accept my awareness over what i had done, i just had to put one foot in front of the other and move forward with integrity and faith. i had to understand how it was i that was askin them, for acceptance, and startin a new relationship with a clean slate, and surrender to their needs if they didnt. i had to forego my want to be self-righteous to drown the voice of guilt within me. i was to humble myself and be of maximum service to them, regardless the consequences i might face. it was most def an attempt at an attitude adjustment i had never tried prior. 1 day @ a time...