my daily reflections…

when my sponsor asked me to write my inventory, i did. i wrote down the things that were pressin me the most when i came into the rooms. it ended up bein a few pages long. he didnt ask me to write down everybody elses inventory, he asked me to write mine. hell mannn, if he wouldve asked me to write down everybody elses inventory, id still be writin it down 6389 days later and not be near done yet. but the inventory was mine and i wrote it as best as i could at the time. since then, as the onion has been peeled away toward its core, ive written many other inventorys as ive worked with sponsees along my journey. this process has helped me learn how to take the instant, small, inventorys of character i need, which happen throughout my day. ive also learned, from my past, how to use it and live a life of worldliness and levity over the experience of the days of doin my dirt. though some of my story was traumatic and tragic, from those times, ive learned to live life usin those times, in a spirit of happiness and joy. those who may not be alcoholic as i, may not get this, but its when i live the worldliness and levity ive learned through recovery, i get to use those times to help me surrender, accept, tolerate, and live past them with a brand of love and self-forgiveness that is healthy for me. its a way of tellin my story that gives it depth and weight to those traumatic and tragic times of the past. this also, when with my closest friends in recovery, affords me the ability to have fun with another at my, or their, seemin expense. we, as trusted friends, call us out on our shit all the time. this doesnt hinder my, or their, recovery but helps me to remain accountable and aware when i make mistakes, growin my integrity and humility to lessen my unhealthy ego and pride. to do it as this mornins readin says is unhealthy and i also need to be made aware of those times too. this is my experience, this is my story, its how i get to continue to persevere over my alcoholism. what would life be if i couldnt laugh at myself. what would my recovery be if i couldnt laugh amongst my friends with a healthy gut laugh? 1 day @ a time...