my daily reflections…

i learned through steps 4 & 5 how resentment has the power to kill me. i learned how i can carry them with me and use them as weapons against others to make myself feel better. through the admittance, surrender, and acceptance, ive learned how to tolerate the goins on around me. i dont have to allow outside circumstances or situations guide me into the self-pity, self-loathin and loneliness of my days past. i aint tryina say im rendered clean as the driven snow, cause i can still hold resentment close to my heart when i feel ive lost somethin ive worked hard for or invested in a relationship beyond normalcy. the difference from then, when i nurtured the resentment, allowin it to affect my behavior and thinkin, and now, usin what recovery has taught me as far as dealin with resentment in a healthy way, when im startin to realize im tryna take control, i pray, meditate, and let it go up top to my HP. i aint gotta try to drink it away, recovery showed me, then taught me, how the alcohol i used to consume to drive it away, only subdued it for a fleetin time. i learned it always came back because i never truly faced it. i learned that holdin resentment only made me the more emotionally sick, not allowin any psychological, behavioral, or spiritual health to intervene. so, this i learned, when another harms me, im in the wrong as well because i cannot find within the strength to forgive, nor let go. this made me play a role in the harmin of self, which turned into the harmin of others. how could i have been so weak? how could i have let my alcoholism grow into such strengths? how could have i relied upon alcohol with such a love and admiration, i would do anythin to protect it and my alcoholism? i was in the wrong, and today i understand just how i can still be when i hold resentment within. today i want to be a good servant, not to my alcoholism or alcohol, but my recovery efforts and HP. my hope today is that i may be willin to go out of my way to be of service, not only to my recovery efforts, but to my HP. this means responsibility that grows into dignity. today i work toward fixin me, not others. i can only control me and my reaction, not the presence of the world around me. i get to face and solve my difficulties with the healthy and balanced attributes recovery has taught me. 1 day @ a time...