my daily reflections…

today i have an understandin of how fear, and me wantin to control stuff, really leads to self-destruction fer me. when i take control of things that are critical areas of my life without consultation and guidance, or thought of what the outcomes may be, i often let fear take over and tend to mess stuff up really good. there are truly limits to my self-reliance, whether i like them or not. i am grateful today to have people in my life that i can turn to when times get too confusin fer me. sometimes it is just best to give the situation to God and live with Him rather than apart from Him. as hard as i tried to make my life successful i always thought i could do it and still continue drinkin even though my life was fallin apart right before my very eyes. maybe, only drinkin on days i didnt have any responsibilities the next mornin, or just tryin to slow down all together on any given day; i thought i could just moderate and still continue drinkin reassurin myself, “hey man, you deserve this, you aint hurtin anybody.” as it all turned out in the end, no matter how many different things i tried, my self-reliance failed me miserably each time. time, and time again, i would ALWAYS return to oblivion, throwin away any resolution i had made to others and myself to stop the chaos and madness of my alcoholism. i couldnt keep the promises i had made to loved ones, solemn oaths to not ever do it again. i needed somethin to help me, somethin greater than i, somethin beyond human assistance as i was weak and could not do it myself. this thing we do provided me the resources i needed, honesty, hope, faith, and a guided progression toward a relationship with my HP. though i still today may have many fears, i no longer need to qualm my fears with alcohol. 1 day @ a time…