my daily reflections…

this was where i was no longer able to lie to myself any longer. sharin honestly what were some of the deepest darkest secrets of my life with my sponsor no longer let me live behind a wall of secrecy and denial. this was truly a step toward blind faith fer me. i actually let someone in; let them know who i really was. im grateful God gave me the ability to do this with my sponsor. It builds courage inside me that i can continue to heal and share. when it was time fer me to tell my sponsor about the things i had written down on my initial 4th step inventory i had to really ask my HP fer the courage to do it. i wondered if i had been honest enough. i wondered if the hope i had sensed would be strong enough to get through it. i wondered if the faith i had gained that all would be ok would allow me to even speak the words i had written on this paper. this was it; it was like the final restin place fer all the things that had kept me drinkin fer so long. i would no longer have the security of the secrets which had kept me the sickest, they would be known and i would be found out. one may ask about ego. who had time to worry about ego? i was gunna spill my guts!!! little did i know the amount of humility trainin i was about to embark on. sure, i had gained some humility through the little bit of service work my sponsor had started me on, but to tell all these deep hidden pieces of hidden highly classified information? this was a practice in every one of the spiritual principles i had already been workin/livin and a gateway fer the remainder i would work/live as i progressed forward. even with the peace of mind i had gotten from writin all this stuff down and gettin it out i wondered what the elation would be, if any, when i finally spoke it to another. i was in fear of the results. when it was all said and done, i did as my sponsor suggested and went home and read the book on steps 6 and 7. i left his home that mornin feelin like i had laid to rest a demon that had enveloped me fer years. now i felt i had been truly set free, now i was to move onto greater things. 1 day @ a time…