My life as an addict on the streets of Baltimore, Maryland

http://recoverycoach.site My life as an addict on the harsh street of Baltimore, Maryland I was predestined to become an addict. My mother and father both used drugs. I was born into a dysfunctional family. My story starts on Sunday September 5th, 1982 at 7:30 am. at the St. Agnes hospital in Baltimore Maryland. My mother gave birth to a healthy baby girl. The night I was born she laid me on her chest and Roberta flack's famous song, “ The first time” played on the radio. My mother softly sang along out loud to me. I wish to remember this, but, needless to say, it is a special moment between mother and daughter. I have three brothers on my mothers side of the family. In addition I have two step brothers and one sister on my dads side. I really do not know my step siblings. I wouldn't mind at least meeting them once in my life. Life was difficult for my mother and she took some blows. She found herself in the position where she had no choice but to send me to my grandmother to live. This particular time in my life was very hard. At the age of eight I was introduced to grief. I missed my mother so much and I never knew how to process this grief. It was difficult with no one to talk to or guide me. I was grieving for someone who was still alive. So, the way I dealt with it was to act out. I began having behavior issues. The behavior issue and my choices caused me to get suspended from school multiple times. Finally, my mother was able to gain custody back of me. She did seek mental health services for me. I was diagnosed with scitzo-effective and bi-polar disorder. Although I was home with my mother and my family. I never felt fully at home. I held all of these emotions inside. By my thirteenth birthday I was hanging out with the wrong crowd. Experimenting with marijuana and alcohol. I liked the way it helped me deal with all these emotions I was feeling inside. No one knew how to deal with me. I didn't even know. By the age of sixteen I was never home because my street family, in my opinion, loved me more. I began dating an older gentleman and moved in with him. Little did I know he was addicted to heroin. It wasn't long before I was too. This was the beginning of a downward spiral for me. Before long, he and I split apart, and began making bad choices and selling myself short for money, food, clothing and shelter. I would rationalize this by telling myself it was for “survival” after all I was " homeless". At times, I would try to go back home to my mother for help, but, my younger brother with an ADHD diagnosis made it extremely hard on my mother. My step father and I did not see eye to eye so he did not want me there. My mother was stuck between a rock and a hard place so she asked me to leave. This was a devastating time for me. I had nowhere to go. So, I decided to set up camp in the woods near my mothers house. Whenever I was hungry my mother would throw food over the back fence to me. I will never forget the way the pack of hot dogs flew over my head and landed at my feet. By my seventeenth birthday, I met a guy who introduced me to crack cocaine. My life went from bad to worse, getting and using drugs totally consumed me. Needless to say this guy started mentally, emotionally and physically abusing me. I felt so lost beyond repair. I thought this was love. In my mind I rationalized his behavior. Telling myself that it was okay as long as he didnt leave me or make me leave. I used drugs more and more, the more he used me, the more I used it. My life was a constant struggle. My mental health played a big part too. I was struggling with my addiction and not knowing how to cope with a mental health diagnosis or my symptoms. I was self medicating away my pain. On the streets of Baltimore City Maryland, the Brooklyn area alone, I have witnessed or been involved in or the victim of pimps, prostitution, drug dealing, car theft, beatings, shooting, stabbing, rapes, and robberies. The list goes on and on. By the age of eighteen I attempted my second suicide attempt. I wanted out. I wanted out of my body. I wanted to be free from addiction. I wanted to be free from my pain. Free from the feeling of worthlessness and defeat. My suicide attempt did not work and I went another eleven years feeding my addiction. I will spare the details of those eleven years and fast forward to the age of 29. This was the year my life changed. In 2011, I found myself homeless and sleeping on the steps of an elementary school. I had no more life left in me. I was hoping my next shot would do me in. I remember sitting there on those steps feeling defeated, I started praying with every ounce of me, I prayed to God, to the universe , to whoever was listening for help. I begged God to help me out of this situation. I cried out to the heavens. I was never really sure God would hear the prayer of a drug addict, but that day I prayed anyway. It was the only hope I had left. Let me tell you, not sure if it was a miracle, but, within a day, my prayers were answered : I was in jail. I found myself sentenced to a seven year prison term. I know some would not call it a miracle. Some would call me crazy. The truth is prison saved my life. I knew that God gave me a way out and I was gonna take it. . During the first year of incarceration I decided to seek drug treatment. I enrolled in and completed the six month in house drug program called Second Genesis. Recovery coaches volunteered their time and services to inmates. This is where I met my first recovery coach. With her help I was able to gain clarity and some helpful techniques and skills to use in own my recovery. Also, I was able to get the proper mental health treatment and take medicine to help control the symptoms. The second year, I signed up for G.E.D classes to get my high school diploma, after receiving that, I took the Office and Business Management courses available to inmates. On my birthday I was granted parole. That day I found myself at the crossroads. I remember walking out of the prison and finding my brother there with open arms. He was happy to have his sister back. Deep down inside I know he was just as scared as I was. That night I made a promise to God, to my family and to myself that day that I would never go back to what I once was. It has been ten years since the day I was released. Since being released, I have graduated Ultimate Medical Academy with a 4.0 grade average, high honors with certification as an Medical administrative Assistant. I have graduated from The World Coaching Institute with certifications as Life Coach and Addiction Recovery Coach.. I am the proud business owner of Split Decisions Recovery Coaching located in Melborne Florida.. None of this would be possible if I did not decide to take that first step. For those that still struggle. There is life out there beyond your wildest imagination. YOU just have to decide enough is enough and YOU are ready and willing to do what it takes to move forward. The answers are inside of you. I pray my story touches the heart of anyone still suffering. May God bless you! Thank you for listening. If you would like help moving forward contact : Coach Sabrina @ 321-294-3737