Sponsor Training – Who Can WE Help?

Some may think it bold of me to offer training to sponsors when I have only, 4 years sober. I hope this post pisses those people off the most, because it is critically important information to anyone who is serious about being a sponsor. I, can be, a horrible person. I am in fact, dangerous to anyone who has a degree in the field of mental health because of how much I have healed without any professional help. So much that I am now able to charge the general public (not anyone here In The Rooms because I am doing service work here only) but for the people who would never go to meetings, I have answers and the kind of support that they can live with and are willing to pay for. Because my traumas have been so severe, the only people who have been able to remain close to me have never judged me. I can tell when someone judges me I generally lose my shit on them. Doesn't matter who it is, especially in recovery. There is no seniority and no authority in recovery, only trusted servants. No one owns recovery, it belongs to the world. I have studied patterns in human behavior intensely for the past 6 years while I have sponsored and given support to people in and out of recovery. As it turns out, people behave in very predictable patterns depending on their level of willingness and awareness based on where they are in the grieving process. The least willing people are in denial. Here is who we can help based on where they are in the Actual Grieving Process (the Mixed Recovery, Inc. version) 1). Denial - People who are bragging about their condition, the ones who have a compulsive need to describe it in great detail are in denial and we cannot help them. 2). Bargaining - People who are complaining to vent, can be helped. If they are complaining to esteem themselves, they cannot be helped. Chronic complaining is another face of denial. 3). Surrender - People who are crying, generally cry alone. If they are willing to cry with us, that is a sign of respect and trust and it needs to be honored with reverence, it is when we are at our most vulnerable. 4). Acceptance - People who are confessing generally already learned the lesson, that is when we offer support and respond with a confession of our own. We are also the most teachable in this stage, a clear sign of acceptance is maintaining an open mind. It is especially important for codependent people to become aware of these behaviors so that we do not become enmeshed in the toxic cycle with others. The bottom line is that the people who are bragging or chronically complaining are not looking for answers, they are looking for attention. Those same people have a deep need for abandonment and will drag a codependent down with them if we do not understand these simple boundaries. May this serve you well on your journey. PS: If you do not agree with me, take it up with your sponsor. Anyone who trash talks my shares will be blocked. Rev. Jeff Rounds for Mixed Recovery, Inc.