Starting the Day Off Right

Well, I am close to 100 days clean this time. I have decided that creating better habits needs to start now. I mean, what better time than when I am at the cusp of realizing that I need a new way of thinking, a new life. I believe these early days of recovery are some of the most important days because we are fresh from our butt whooping. I know for me, its harder to listen to people or to think that I need help when everything is going fine. On my last journey, I got close to a year. I thought that I could go to a friends house to celebrate his "coming off of probation" party. Boy, I didn't expect that he would offer me marijuana and beer 5 or 6 times. It didn't take but a thought that it will be okay. Just one drink, just a little bit of smoke. I can handle it. I came to realize that my true friends would not want me to go against my values or what I am fighting to obtain. All of those who know that I am in recovery, who know I need to do what is right, and will as soon as see me dragged down with them are not my true friends at all. Looking back, it was selfish of my so called friend to offer me alcohol and drugs while knowing that I am in recovery. I don't totally blame him. I can't. I have to look back on the relapse and wonder why I thought it would be okay. I have to see why it is that I have such a hard time remembering the guilt and remorse that comes afterwards. Why it is that I will so easily do something that I know may temporarily take the edge off or temporarily make me feel different but can ultimately lead me to a path of destruction. The reason I am in treatment now, the reason I have lost everything, the reason my heart got broken again all boils down to that decision to get high, That decision came so easily because I didn't have the right friends. I didn't have all of these things because I listened to someone that told me I didn't have to call myself an addict. That I was cured from all of these things. Regardless of whether or not I am cured, I am selfish for not going to meetings and not wishing to find other people who have struggled and continue to struggle with the same thing. AA or NA isn't about someone being cured or someone forever being an addict, its about fellowship and being around people who I can relate with. I need the love of the NA/AA community. I need these people in my life. Without them I am alone and around people who are cold and who are in denial about having their ass kicked by this world and all that's in it. Today, I am thankful for people who spill their hearts at the meetings and who relate with me in my darkest moments. Gratitude and respect. I am thankful and I respect everyone that is a part of this community