The Battle Within

I gotta replay my own tape here with life's unexpected. Deaths of close family, molestations, rape, drowning myself in booze and never able to actually DIE. I guess I died 3 times and came right back to finish what I have got to finish this incarnation has a purpose. Honestly it's bigger than I have ever imagined.. And that alone is a big thing for I have imagined alot in my lifetime. Never ask what else can go wrong, for you will find out. Never bring negative to Yourself for that is deadly and Ive learned this the hard way, and really didnt want to know. I have seen and done it ALL and Im so tired of it. The moon, the sun & the earth. Nothing we see is real folks on both sides are hitting me back and forth like a ping pong ball. I can't stop now. I may be completely insane by the time I am fulfilling my purpose. I only know one thing and that Is Im done trying to kill myself with substances. I am digging in with all claws and holding on for dear life in general. Hold On Folks. Im not a ping pong ball, Im a HUMAN BEing. I still got a few tricks up my sleave and they all know it. I am special. I never thought that I was anything more than a dog who got the scraps and it was nice to know that I was meant for something bigger and that all that pain was for a reason. But for it to be for more pain, was something that I did not expect not from the two "higher powers" that are still hitting this ball that they think and so far has been me. . Please forgive me. I am so sorry. Thank You. I LOVE YOU.