I have to share this link:
https://www.jerrymarzinsk...
Jerry has given me a new perspective on what I have encountered. Actually, I am lying. From the beginning, when the voices started 10 years ago when my kids were swooped up and taken from me from a bunch of strange looking people in sunglasses that were zapping the back of my neck, I knew and believed that it was humans worshiping and interacting with evil demonic forces. It wasn't just in my head because they were abnormalities all around me. These people were after my family and my kids and they were willing to do whatever it took to get them. Sound paranoid- Not if its true. But once they left, all the demons that they were attached to stuck around for a bit, and come and go from time to time.
I have come to believe also that the disease is just one of the playgrounds these evil entities play on, and the playgrounds are also a means to meat some of their friends. The drugs are all of the different types of equipment, you know heroine- monkey bars, the meth- the jungle gym, etc. Then you got these diabolical bullies all over the play ground, sometimes they talk to you silently, sometimes they get loud, but they are there, waiting for an opportunity to put Vaseline on the top rung of the jungle gym so you fall and hurt yourself. Then if they are really mean, they draw all of your pain relief from you and offer you it back if you go get high. This has been my experience
My goal is to find ways to limit these entities, find out what they feed off of, or what they want of me and do the opposite. I rarely play with them, which means I don't like to travel along their line of thought. I have and as a result, turn away in tears at the pure evil they are constructing. Then they attempt to tell me that they are really someone I love or try to make me believe that the flesh and blood humans that I meet on the streets are just as nasty as they are. They are not, and I am not. Aint no doctor in the world that will ever convince me that I could do or even think like these evil entities that come in and say and do what they do, no they are living (though perhaps not breathing) beings that have a will and desire and purpose. Most of them desire my death, but I know that God is the one that ultimately decides that, and they do too,
I have been fortunate to find some sources of light, but then the dark forces come in and pretend to be them, trying to turn all the good they do into bad, or to chase them away so that we do not listen to them. I have felt the most awesome feelings when these sources of light step on the seen. I have seen and felt beautiful things as well, but I have never seen them, unless they came in the form of a human and were disguised. I wanted to think that perhaps one whom I had seen, whose eyes had shifted into a yellow like that of an eagle might have been one, but she is gone, for whatever reason...
Once one becomes enlightened to these spirits and angels, etc. Then we are tasked with what comes along with that knowledge. Offers are made to us to give up our souls, or to do some evil in order to be in a pact with them. I just cant allow myself to believe something who will tell me their is no God, but will talk about and worship the father of lies, S.A.T.A.N., all day.
The psychiatric association acts as if these entities don't exist or that they are just figments of our imagination, Then, when we are given a vision and it comes true, we are somehow just using some kind of deductive reasoning. Their is this huge belief that their is nothing more powerful, more technologically advanced, capable of speaking to our thoughts or igniting emotions in us.. That we human are the top of the evolutionary food chain, just glorified apes that have evolved over time. Anything that happens to us comes from self, it has to all come from our self. But of course, we have some pharmakia for you, some medicine that is outside of you to help you. Just take this pill so that you won't feel anything- it deadens your soul and makes you slobber out of your mouth and ages you, but of course, their is some medicine for the side effects just in case that happens. No, I am good, I will battle these entities that attack my mind before I let them hide in their with voice mufflers and cryptic communications that I am unable to hear as they plan my retirement in the state hospital.
I have yet to see a psychiatrist shed a tear in empathy to my plight. How can I take advice or even medicine from someone who doesn't care about the debilitating side effects of the poison they wish to offer me after a 20 minute standardized questionaire?
Sorry, cant limit myself to believing that it is all in my head or that I am the in all that sees all that is in me and that is all. No, this disease kicks the fuck out of me, it is strong, it is powerful, If I don't believe in something more powerful than it, and if I don't call on something greater than it, I can kiss my inner person good by, regardless if he is a child or not. Because the fact of the matter is this, these entities that attack me, hate humans, and more than anything they hate children. This is why I have to call on my Father in heaven. I have to, because what else is going to help me. And who knows, maybe all of this is happening to me for a reason, maybe I am supposed to learn from these experiences and face them straight on, regardless if I end up crying every night for a month straight. I would rather be crying than to stuff my feelings down for the next 5 years, than let them resurface like they have with so many others who have come to harm people.
The fact is, God had put within me a loving heart, a heart that cried when my next door neighbor stomped on a frog when I was child. I cried when 911 happened. I cried when I lost my children, I cried when my wife had invited a couple in our hotel room, and I fell asleep and woke up to them moaning in the dark. I cried when I fell in love with a nurse, and not just a nurse, but something that mimicked her out on the street when everything else was attacking me, acting as if she was there to save me, and when I told her I loved her, she dogged me. I cried 5 years later when she came back into my head as a voice, and disapeared on me, every night for about 2 months straight.
But now I am okay, from time to time I have my issues, but I realize this, If I love God with all my heart body and soul and I love others as myself, I will be okay. If there is one thing these evil voices have taught me, its that I have not met a human that has been as evil as any of them or that has hurt me worse than any of them, because every time one of those got close to me, the complained of feeling like they were being burned.
