my daily reflections…

i do not think i would be here, or where i am today hadnt i come to a sufficient enough “bottom”. i needed to feel the pain of emotional trauma, guilt, shame, remorse, loneliness, and be out of personal options, so i could become willin enough, before i could admit complete defeat. lookin back, i can say lookin forward wasnt anythin i was interested in doin. after time enough had passed and shit settled, the idea of movin forward with this time in recovery, didnt phase me, i had begun to understand the reason shit was settlin was because i wasnt drinkin and causin the shitstorm i had become so used to. today i understand how the willingness i had to listen to others experience had an effect on me. i had begun to adopt attitudes and actions i wouldnt of had i continued livin the days of my dirt. clarity of mind had come. i couldnt believe i had taken myself to the depths of moral value i had. i reckon the mire i had waded through had become thick enough fer me to pay some kinda mind to. today, i get to live each of the remainin eleven Steps by the agency of Honesty. 1 day @ a time...