I came here looking for something.. but what? I'm a CSA survivor, also a survivor of narcissistic abuse as an adult. I'm a queer single mom with an autistic son..oh and did I mention I am also AuDhd? I abuse substances. But I truly do not believe I am an addict. It's more of a self-regulation, or control mechanism.. I drink too much sometimes, I overmedicate sometimes, but I don't get blinding drunk and I still take care of my child, and I fulfill all those motherly duties. My partner has PTSD and ADHD as well. So I'm also a support person to somebody who struggles with some of the very same things I struggle with. My healing Journey has been happening for many more years than hers. So while she's in a state of acute crisis, mine is more chronic and easily managed. I say easily, but that's not really accurate. It's never easy. Sometimes I just feel lost. I feel like I need something but I don't know what that is. Seeking that dopamine hit or something I don't know, but something is missing and I don't know how to fill it. If any of that makes any sense to you, then I figure you must be in a similar predicament. There's no groups for people like me. There's no meeting, no support network because I don't fit anywhere. There's no box to put me in with a nice pretty label. All I know is I feel like I'm flailing sometimes and it can get hard. Right now I feel pretty numb, and my history was self harm.. oh yes I forgot also in recovery from self-harm. And eating disorders all of those things are addictions in their own right. I guess I just came here looking for something that might fit and I join some groups and I look forward to reading and maybe getting to know some people. But I also don't really know if I'm ever going to find that right place. I guess I just needed a little mini vent session right now because I'm feeling a little bit lost in the world. Thanks for listening.. reading I don't know same thing I guess right? I think this is an amazing website I hope I can find somewhere on it that I can maybe connect with some people who understand even the fraction of what I just rambled about.
Author
renccharp