What if “more” means different?
I didn’t want to tell you this, but here’s the truth I learned this week
This is a really tough letter to write because a part of it involves confessing something to you all that (if I’m honest), I’d rather not.
But if I’ve learned anything from my 14+ years living in addiction recovery and sobriety, it is that we need to tell the truth.
And more than that, we need to tell on ourselves.
So, here it goes.
I’m in a new season of being a mom to school-aged kiddos, a wife, a Managing Editor, an author, and a speaker.
[and yes, I got exhausted just writing all of those things]
Not to mention some of the more mundane things:
A garbage can putter outer (and taker inner); weed puller; homework reviewer; salad maker; grocery shopper; dog taker outer aka poop-picker-upper; the list goes on.
I’m also a member of a local church and community where I serve in ways and capacities that I don’t talk about publicly because I believe those of us who have public-facing ministries also need to be rooted in hidden work.
So, life is full.
Recently, I got an invite to go to an event at a cool place I really wanted to go. It was a cool invitation. There would be cool people there. I could post on my socials about what a cool opportunity it was that I was invited. I’d look pretty cool.
How cool, right? Another thing to add to the full schedule.
A good friend and mentor of mine in recovery says that we need to weigh our decisions based on the peace that we feel as we prepare to say “yes.”
But with this decision, it was clear: The peace wasn’t there.
Yet, at the same time (I argued with myself), it was a cool opportunity.
For about a week, I prayed and prayed and waited and waited. I went back and forth on the decision. Talked to my husband ad nauseum. He gave me that look like: “are we still talking about this?”
Still, no peace.
Then, a couple days later during the night I had a dream.
In my dream, a friend was talking to me about the decision to go to this particular thing and they said this:
“You have more to do than this.”
When I woke up, I immediately had a sense of calm and peace about saying “no” to the opportunity.
Now, I’d love to tell you that I regularly have visions and dreams, but this is not the case. When I do remember my dreams, they usually involve me being lost or unable to find something or some other wacked out plot like I am tripping on mushrooms.
What’s interesting from this particular night, though, is the meaning of more that struck me from this dream the next day when I was reflecting back on it.
More doesn’t mean more things or more acclaim or more reach or more growth or more platform or more people or more stages or more…
More can mean different.
“I have more for you than this.”
I was also reminded of a Bible story about two sisters named Martha and Mary.
In this story in Luke, Martha was busy serving and doing things for Jesus. Mary chose to sit with Jesus and listen to His words. Jesus gently reminded Martha that being present with Him was more important than being busy for Him.
[you can read the full passage here]
In this world we are living in, the lies are coming at us from all directions. Lies that say we must produce, produce, produce. Work, work, work. Use any means necessary to create and publish content to hack the algorithm, slay the dragon. Show up to all the things, all the time.
I love what Jonathon M. Seidl shared recently:
Can I be honest? I’ve learned that the journey “out of the village”—the journey to someplace new with Jesus—is usually the most important part of the whole process. That’s the stage where I learn to trust. I grow in my faith. My relationship with my creator is strengthened. I get more of him. And that’s way more important than the “miracle.” In fact, maybe that is the miracle.
This season of fullness is also one of journeying out of the village, as Jon shares. It is one of discernment and of recognizing the type of fullness God has for me.
It is not saying “yes” to every opportunity.
- It is waiting, weighing, measuring, taking stock.
It is not doing it all, hoping that something will stick, someday.
- It is being mindful, humble, gracious with my time, yet protective of it too.
It is not resting in what more I can do, but what more I can become in relationship with my Creator.
It is about:
More worship.
More rest.
More adoration.
More connection.
More relationship.
More communion.
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Addiction recovery expert and author, Caroline Beidler, MSW explores facets of recovery like mental health, supporting loved ones with addiction, trauma, and more. Pull up a chair.
