my daily reflections…

i will never forget my sponsor goin over “love and tolerance” with me. what a lesson it was for me in learnin how to shut my mouth. we were comin home from a meetin and i was bitchin about how i never wanted to drink again and the anger i had for alcohol and those that could drink. he simply told me that alcohol didnt do to me what happened to me, i did to alcohol what happened to me. he furthered his statement with the idea that i had no business bein angry at alcohol or institutions that produced, advertised, and sold it. he warned me that i should be careful usin words like never, and that millions of people in the world can drink and not cause the problems i had caused in my life. he continued with, for me to be angry at somethin or someone else because they could enjoy alcohol in ways that i couldnt gave me no reason to hate it, or them, as i did. he then recited the page number and quote, “love and tolerance is our code”. then he told me that never was a mighty long time, are ya sure ya can do that? well, ya know, that left me thinkin for the next few days. thinkin bout shit like all the people i thought i hated and all the institutions that had just as much a right to do what they did, how it wasnt anybodys fault that i abused alcohol, it was my responsibility to own my own actions. since those times of early recovery and havin learned so much about myself, ive learned that humility wont allow me to hate others for the things they can do that i cannot; its not my business to get so discouraged in thinkin about shit i cannot control. that i must offer love to receive love, then accept it. that i must remain vulnerable in my life or i wont get to enjoy the promises of recovery or the gifts and grace my HP freely gives me. how worryin bout everybody else left me no time to take care of myself. that if i was to be truly honest with myself i could see how i abused alcohol, that it didnt abuse me. ive learned that a life lived without healthy criticism would not be intellectually fertile, and thats exactly what my sponsor did for me, gave healthy criticism so that i could use it to think of ways i needed to change. today, i get to be as strong as i need to be when i tap the spiritual source that awaits my call. i get to risk my vulnerable self with confidence, faith, love, and tolerance. i understand that im not livin just to be sober and angry; im livin to learn, to serve, and to love. 1 day @ a time...