my daily reflections…

who doesnt want more of a perceived good thing? while i was out doin my dirt i would have never thought that alcohol was the catalyst for my actions. lookin back today i can see how easy it was to blame alcohol for all the shit that happened, but today, i gotta be honest. surely i did a lot of shit to others that they didnt deserve and always blamed alcohol for it. it seemed like it was easier to do than accept the responsibility for my actions myself. comin into recovery i learned i could not run from me with the use of alcohol. ya know when ya are all fucked up its easier to be mean and do shit without a care. i couldnt commit the act of makin an exception or qualification for my behavior bein sober, let alone tryin to live a life in recovery. no longer could i make excuses with the thought that a drink would take em away later. ive seen a lot of people do that in the rooms and it never works for them. hell man, ive even tried it myself. so here i am, pert near 16yrs into this recovery thing and havin learned much about myself cant still make excuses for those times back then or when i make mistakes based on my pride or self-centeredness today. ya know, it just dont sit right within, i gotta own my own shit, workin toward becomin better than i was yesterday. i made the declaration to myself when i came into the rooms that i was either gonna do this shit or i wasnt; im still doin this shit today, without reservation as best as i can. all i have to do today is continue to be honest with myself about the alcoholic that i am. use prayer that with the strength my HP has to give me i may lead an abundant and victorious life over my alcoholism. when i use simplicity, i get to see things for what they are. this simple idea has helped me more times than not in my recovery. if i use what is already within me, what recovery has taught me, i aint gotta try to take advantage of others to make me feel like im worthy. ive learned that it is pointless to become angry, or to get hurt by people who, like me, may be sufferin from the pains of still tryin to grow up. i have to use tolerance with others, and most importantly with myself. today i can live without reservation. when i keep reservations, i stay emotionally, psychologically, behaviorally, and spiritually sick. 1 day @ a time...