my daily reflections…

it is a true statement that while i was out doin my dirt i thought the only one that i was hurtin was me. though i could feel and see the relationships in my life bein disturbed by the things i was doin, the selfishness and self-centeredness i nurtured, could not see past me. i found out through the inventory work in recovery, that my actions, behaviors, and words, had harmed others. and bein as blinded as i was, i couldnt see that the arguments with my wife, the jobs that i was asked to leave, the friends and acquaintances that were disappearin, were a direct result of my alcoholism and behaviors. i had systematically hurt those around me and they, through self-preservation, were separatin themselves from me. yes, today i understand, more than ever before, how i had hurt others without regard to their safety or emotions. i was not the only victim of joel. tryina see these things for what they were, i needed the help of my sponsor and those in recovery. via their e.s.h., i learned how i had torn apart the relationships in my life. with their help, they showed me how to take the inventories needed and to use the solutions they had used to help me see the discrepancies of my own life. with the programs cultivatin, i was given a second chance to be trustworthy, loyal, and honest; i was given the freedom, honesty, and courage to see my part in the lives of others. in movin forward from the learnin i was doin, i needed Gods hand so i could walk forth among my fellows lettin loose of self so i could live with peace of mind and integrity. i found that by believin in my HP to help me live my change, it also meant i could start believin in myself, somethin i could never have done with honesty while livin the reality of doin my dirt. it was with trust that this thing we do’s process would work for me if i let go so i could forgive while not forgettin. i have no mental defense alone on my own behalf. i need what the program of recovery and my HP have so i can see my part in the harm i still have the potential to cause. 1 day @ a time...