my daily reflections…

recovery has taught me how anger affects me. it reaches deep within me to force me to react to it in unhealthy emotional, psychological, behavioral, and spiritual ways. it digs into some of the character flaws and shortcomins which can have me processin it in regard to self-centered fear, resentment, self-esteem, security, ambitions, and personal relationships. these always tend to leave me livin with self-delusion, self-seekin motives, and self-pity. as this mornins readin suggests, as questionable as anger is and how people who dont suffer from alcoholism like i, process it with mere ease, i dont. for me, if not spiritually fit, i reach for my only escape, alcohol, because i do not know how to deal with it in a healthy unselfish manner. recovery though, offers me a solution to my anger, and the resentment that may come before or after. recovery teaches me to face it with honesty, hope, and faith. it asks me to then use the courage ive gained from the prior 3 steps to overcome it. just because i may have thought a situation happened, doesnt mean that it happened the way i want to think it did. my unhealthy delusions, motives, and pity, may have me seein shit the way i want so i can feel like i can control the situation or another. when that doesnt work, the alcohol i consume helps me change shit to the way i want it to be. even if it means harm to others or myself, i then get to play the role of victim and martyr. faulty thinkin always led to piss poor behavior. today i get to live the reverse, positive behavior that leads to healthy and sane thinkin. i get to trade that 1 drink for 1 time of prayer, meditation, and experience sharin with another. i get to exchange anger for love that means no severe judgin, no resentments, no malicious gossip, and no destructive criticism. i get to live with patience, understandin, compassion, and helpfulness. how is it the miracle of recovery that honesty, leads to hope, then to faith, then to courage, if i let it, so i may face my inner truths that can be healed. i can no longer do it alone, i need the help recovery offers me. today i get to live a freedom from anger when i let the solutions of recovery, submission, release, and action, do their job. bein gripped by somethin stronger than myself, my HPs spirit will always guide me so i may learn how to rest and listen. 1 day @ a time...