my daily reflections…

impatience takes many forms when i begin to want somethin i feel ive worked toward or feel i deserve. its an intolerance of time, me tryin to control the shit around me i have no control of. it brings about the emotions of anxiety and restlessness that i let lead me to anger or self-pity affectin my self-esteem. if recovery has taught me anythin, its that shit takes time. sometimes shit moves slowly, and not at the pace i want. recovery has taught me how to manage irritability, discontent, restlessness, and anger or frustrations. when i lay on da floor for an hour tryin to levitate, i find i cannot. no matter how hard i try i cannot (that was a joke). what i learn from tryin to levitate, is that the energy ive used tryin to levitate is wasted and could have been used in other ways more productive. what it also teaches me is that when i am calm, surrenderin my will and acceptin the shit i cannot control, i learn peace of mind. personal inventory is a tool that helps me understand the limits of my control. its a practice in usin the serenity prayers in its fullest context. even as i still may experience nervousness or annoyance, if i calmly ask my HP to take it away, He does. what ive learned helps me with impatience is gettin out of self and helpin another. rememberin my primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety, i get into action. lettin impatience remain within only causes me to react to it with unhealthy behavior and even worse, unhealthy thinkin. just as my recovery has taken time, so does much else in my life. its that simple. often, in my hour of need to overcome impatience, i get to call upon the deposits ive made into the bank of wisdom, courage, strength, and knowledge of my HP. relyin upon a way of life uncommon to me, i get to try to let loose impatience and just go with the flow. as a friend reminds me often, i get to try to be the leaf in the stream. simple disciplines and routines that i establish in my life can be nourishin and health-givin. even when distracted from the disciplines ive created or am tempted to rebel against them with impatience, i have to remain faithful to routines that support my emotional, psychological, behavioral, and spiritual health. the clearer the path, the easier it is to see the holes in it. 1 day @ a time...