my daily reflections…

i didnt know how much fear had ruled my life before my recovery began. i never equated fear with how i felt inside. fear to me, was always put into place by scary movies or monsters. recovery taught me, then showed me, how fear touched damn near every emotion i ever had. as i wrote down my initial personal moral inventory, payin mind to how fear may have influenced me, i dont recall thinkin much about it. that all changed one sunday mornin when i gave the tell to my sponsor. as we went through what i had written, he helped me see how each of the items i had listed touched an emotion i had within. he helped me to understand how fear had me reactin to it with behaviors and thinkin to protect myself from truly feelin those emotions. he showed me how the fear i had was self-centered. i learned that in order to keep my secrets from ever bein known, i had to defend em and show to the outside world how i was a tough, unscrupulous person when it came to protectin my ego and pride. even if meant hurtin those around me. later as we got together and talked more of the findins, he taught me how humility could help me further open up to my HP about my self-centered fear. as ive lived forward since those days back then, of course ive done much more soul searchin. ive applied the faith my sponsor and others have shown me works to allow humility to help me use faith in my HP to live with my self-centered fears. the spiritual principles of recovery have been instrumental in learnin how to give my emotions up to my HP and allow me to feel em. when i do this, i lend support to the healin process still happenin within me. when i claim Gods supply of strength by my faith in Him, its given to me unconditionally, accordin to the amount of faith and trust im willin to use. the identification of fear allows me to find solutions which empower freedom and confidence. with a healthy and balanced focus on my internal treasures, wisdom helps the positive qualities i have accumulated over the years, allow me to be useful and effective to those around me instead takin all i can get from them. quietly listenin to the lovin words of my friends and HP, i get to continue to grow. 1 day @ a time...