my daily reflections…

one of the people i had left off my initial list of the persons i had harmed was myself. i didnt feel at the time that i deserved any kind of amends to myself, even though i was the one who had harmed me the most. i simply thought it others whom id owed amends to more. as i discussed my amends list with my sponsor, he reminded me to put my name on it as well. he verbalized in terms i could understand, that in writin my list, and bein sure to put myself on it, was important. he articulated how by me writin this list of people i had harmed i was beginnin to make an amends to myself. but it wasnt an end to a means. there was still more to live through and experience. it was merely a part of the process of recovery and stayin sober, one more day. there were those i had harmed i owed an amends to, and it was my responsibility to be held accountable for the shit i had done. the willingness to do so was half the battle, the rest lay in my ability to reach out to my HP and ask for the continued willingness to extend my heart, mind, body, and soul forward, to those i had harmed, approachin em with the willingness i had honed up to that point usin what recovery had shown and taught me. even as i am the major player in this story, my story. it was thoseone of the people i had left off my initial list of the persons i had harmed was myself. i didnt feel at the time that i deserved any kind of amends to myself, even though i was the one who had harmed me the most. i simply thought it others whom id owed amends to more. as i discussed my amends list with my sponsor, he reminded me to put my name on it as well. he verbalized in terms i could understand, that in writin my list, and bein sure to put myself on it, was important. he articulated how by me writin this list of people i had harmed i was beginnin to make an amends to myself. but it wasnt an end to a means. there was still more to live through and experience. it was merely a part of the process of recovery and stayin sober, one more day. there were those i had harmed i owed an amends to, and it was my responsibility to be held accountable for the shit i had done. the willingness to do so was half the battle, the rest lay in my ability to reach out to my HP and ask for the continued willingness to extend my heart, mind, body, and soul forward, to those i had harmed, approachin em with the willingness i had honed up to that point usin what recovery had shown and taught me. even as i am the major player in this story, my story. it was those i had harmed that deserved any of the recognition i may have had then and still today. they were the heroes in my story, they were the ones who didnt let me, or allow me, to continue my wrath of terror, they cut me off. they could see the destruction all around them after i, the tornado, came through; even if i couldnt. they were the ones who suffered the brunt of my thinkin and behavior. they were the heroes cause they lived through it all. i wasnt the only one who suffered via my own alcoholism. they were the ones who didnt have to live through it anymore. they could walk away from em and i couldnt. they were my list. they were the ones i became willin to make an amends to. today, im still the one adaptin to the world around me with the help of my HP and recovery. all i gotta do is remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals/perfectionists built the titanic. 1 day @ a time... i had harmed that deserved any of the recognition i may have had then and still today. they were the heroes in my story, they were the ones who didnt let me, or allow me, to continue my wrath of terror, they cut me off. they could see the destruction all around them after i, the tornado, came through; even if i couldnt. they were the ones who suffered the brunt of my thinkin and behavior. they were the heroes cause they lived through it all. i wasnt the only one who suffered via my own alcoholism. they were the ones who didnt have to live through it anymore. they could walk away from em and i couldnt. they were my list. they were the ones i became willin to make an amends to. today, im still the one adaptin to the world around me with the help of my HP and recovery. all i gotta do is remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals/perfectionists built the titanic. 1 day @ a time...