my daily reflections…

i can recall havin so many fuckin rules that everybody else had to live by. hell mannn, there were so many, they were so strict, i couldnt even live up to em myself. this mornins readin is an exact way of how i used to live my life. my 4th, 5th, and 8th steps showed me the deficiencies i once had that i held in such high esteem and regard. nothin was ever made easy. i learned i always had to throw in twists and turns so i felt like i had control over shit. recovery taught me the concept of keepin shit simple. that by makin life so hard i couldnt live, only fed my alcoholism. it seemed the more, stupid as fuck rules i had, the more reason i had to drink over em. catch that shit, i sabotaged myself repeatedly into the next drink. just how can i use what i learned so many years ago, today? well, i reckon i can live and let live. i reckon i can set healthy, sane, and balanced, rules to live by and see how they work as i live forward. i need to live by rules that are healthy, unselfish, not self-centered. what recovery, this step teaches me, is to know and understand my limits of control. i cant live forward tryna control others, the only one i can safely manage is myself. why should i live with anger and hatred, by so many expectations that others or myself need to live by that i become angry and hateful when they dont work out? am i to live and grow in peace and harmony, or create unmanageable uncontrollable rules that make myself and those around me unhappy? its not what i think recovery is about. power in the manageability of my life allows for healthy control of self, not control of others. recovery helps me to keep a balance in my life that allows for peace of mind. the only requirements i need to live by today are 1, dont take that next 1st drink. 2, pray for the ability to give the problems that are too much for me to my HP. 3, listen for his intuitive word. 4, pass onto others what ive been freely given without expectation. oh yes and live by each spiritual principle as best as i can. when i do these simple things, i set myself for the ability to live with brotherly love so i can live and love myself. 1 day @ a time...