my daily reflections…

i honestly tried 3 times before this time to get sober and remain that way. each time i had a little success, but nothin sustainin. i think about those times and even as i had the desperation to stop, i couldnt form enough self-will to make it stick. the time before this i made it to step 3 and my alcoholism called me back into the game again. the times before this time, i missed a key ingredient for my personal recovery. it was the spiritual aspect of it. i had turned my back on God in my late teens and started a path of my own will. i only prayed to a “santa god” when ev i was in a heap of shit i had created. and if ya think after skatin through what ev problem or trouble i had been facin i did what i promised i would do, well, guess what, i didnt. it was chalked up to luck and i moved onward with my will. it was always a “grant me my wishes prayer” and never a “thy will be done prayer.” it was like i was in fear of what would rightly happen if i gave my will up for His. today over 6410 days in recovery, ive learned about myself enough to know the limitations of any of my self-will. ive learned what those “santa god” prayers were and are. they are ego, pride, and fear prayers that do me no good today. today i need to ask my HP how i can use what ive learned through recovery for benefit of another. and its been my experience that when i do this, i dont get “lucky,” i get “blessed.” OMG! there is such a difference when i put my efforts into what ive worked for and what i get blessed with. the quality of my faith grows each time i set my wants aside and ask my HP for guidance on how should proceed, then do what i perceive is His will. i get to be used as a channel to express the divine love. i get to live as to bring Gods spirit closer to the world. 1 day @ a time...