my daily reflections…

i was always and forever tryina hide myself from the view of others. it became somethin i honed so well that it became 1st nature. i couldnt allow another to see who i truly was within. self-centered fear kept me locked away. and if i felt ya tryina break down my wall, youd surely see my ass. i played hell even tryina accept and tolerate myself, let alone any other. with recoverys urgency in takin a moral personal inventory, i was able to see these patterns of behavior and the reasons why i held them. i learned much in my early recovery. and much of what i learned floored me at just how selfish i had truly been for a majority of my life. i began to understand how tryina to control everythin around me had me doin shit that was emotionally and psychologically unhealthy. as i continued to move forward, uncoverin all the shit i had kept buried deep within, i needed the help of an unconditional love my HP offered. i was scared man, i didnt like what i was discoverin. i needed my sponsor to continue to push me and be a soundin board with balanced reasonin. the light that kept creepin through the cracks of the wall i had fortified with anger and hate began to crumble. today those walls are gone. the light of the clarity of thought has given me a positive outlook on life. ive learned to be less negative and more positive. i can take people for face value without castin a shroud of mistrust over em. i can see the good in the world. today i can look the world in the eye because ive learned to trust the communication i have through meditation with my HP. i get to feel that i am workin for Him and with Him, thinkin of Him as a guide and friend. i feel connected and with it, i feel protected. im free to enjoy feelin this liberty unlike the times before my recovery. this meditation, as i grow more into it, provides me a time to work out my emotions, and then listen for, the answers i need. 1 day @ a time...