my daily reflections…

in a time when i only wanted shit to work out for me, recovery showed me how this thinkin contributed to the selfishness that drove my alcoholism to its peak performance. the only way i could look outward was to benefit me only, then maybe, another. but to be clearly honest, i was the one to benefit from my efforts. i learned through recoverys personal moral inventory how and why i had these wanted desires. i had been driven by these emotions throughout the days of doin my dirt. i couldnt see beyond them because i had felt that there was nobody else who was lookin out for me, only me. i felt that if i didnt take care of myself, i would surely suffer. to be honest, i was already sufferin, i was just too blinded by self-will and preservation to recognize or identify it. self-pity held a tight lock, and it wouldnt be broken. comin into recovery, i only wanted to stop the cycle of my alcoholism, i didnt know i would turn my life around through self-searchin or findin the reasons i had grown into such a person. i didnt know that my look outward would change as drastically as it would. today ive learned how spiritual awareness and a belief that God can and will, if i surrender to my alcoholism, can provide me with a love of life which not only includes a healthy sense for self, but more so includes a look for anothers concern. today i crave the need to be helpful to another. ive learned how loneliness, self-pity, and self-centered fear can, and will destroy me. in my mornin prayers and meditation i get to think of others and not self. ive learned by doin this simple behavior and thinkin change, i get to be blessed with the needs He provides. its the doin of the behaviors more than thinkin of the behaviors. the doin of the behaviors and actions have changed my thinkin. in this phase of my development, i get to look outward rather than inward. ive learned how to take care of myself in ways that are healthy, sane, and beneficial to my emotional, psychological, behavioral, and spiritual health. the courage and strength come from an outward source transformed to an inward integrity and perseverance. 1 day @ a time...