Anti Social – A Confession

I would like to apologize to people in general. I have become fairly anti-social. It is difficult for me to spend time in anyone's company, because of what has happened to my mind. When you obsess about attachments and patterns as much as I do, you no longer see people, you see behaviors. The more time I spend in the company of other people, the more I am aware of the patterns of their behaviors and now it is like I am no longer myself, I am a reflection of the people around me. I have learned to love my time in isolation, it helps me experience as much peace as possible. The people I do associate with are honest, people of all backgrounds and belief systems but they have one thing in common, I know they are being honest with me. I am sorry that I no longer care to have a social life. I am filled with guilt shame and remorse from the horrible things I have done and continue to do with my knowledge of the human mind. I am capable of saying things to people that will cripple them for life and if I feel judged, I will. I do not want to hurt people anymore. Please understand, that means I have hurt people and I am willing to do it again, but I no longer have the desire. There are very few people who I can spend more than an hour with, because my new obsession is recovery and service work. Being selfless is the most important part of my self-care and thank you to the people who I sponsor, mentor and associate with in recovery. You are all treasured by me. I apologize to anyone who invites me to a social event, I disappoint most people and for that I am sorry because I do not see it changing ever again. For the people I associate with In The Rooms, please know that you make up the majority of my social time and that is why I am so very sensitive about everything. The time I spend here is crucial to my recovery and ability to live with myself. Thank you Rev. Jeff Rounds