Feeling Better, Doing Better and Better Than

Everyone wants to be better in some way, emotionally, financially, more peace, more possessions, more consistency and growth. The concept of better is often confusing and can in fact be damaging if we are not aware of the true nature of better. Feeling better, is not doing better. This is one of the biggest pitfalls I discovered in therapy and why I am so against psychology as a treatment for anything. They do not know what we are going through except for what we tell them and even though we may be willing to open up and get things out with a professional, it does not mean that we will gain any awareness or practical and applicable course of action. There were many times that I would feel better after talking to a professional and my attitude would greatly improve, creating the illusion of doing better, but it was not true. Without self-awareness of the exact nature of our difficulties, we cannot even begin the process of breaking out of old habits and truly doing things that are better for us and the people around us. Doing better, means we are now empowered and aware of not only our conditions and all of the implications thereof, but also knowing what to do about them. Another thing that therapy falls horrible short on is they do not encourage faith or daily maintenance of our spiritual condition. Logic, replaces the humbling process of reaching acceptance and awareness of how life actually works. Then there is a question of Better Than, which is in fact a destructive complex. People who believe it is possible to be better than other people, also believe that if they are better than, they have a right to offer unsolicited advice which in reality, cannot apply to the situation of someone who is still struggling. Better than is an absolute lie, because in reality no one is ever completely free from any of their character defects, at best they can be treated with daily maintenance, at worst they fall into a repressed state waiting for the right set of circumstances to surface again. One of the stupidest things I ever heard at a 12 Step table was one man claiming that he once had codependency and after meeting with a therapist, it was cured. I have been working on my codependency issues since 1989, have met with 9 different therapists, some of them specializing in codependency and none of them had any cure of any kind. He was either wrong, misinformed, had a very mild case or never had the condition at all. His stupidity polluted the minds of the hundreds of people who listened to and possibly believed him and I sometimes wish I had set him straight. In short, no one is better than anyone. We may be able to do better than we once have, and that is a personal growth matter. We may feel better than we once did, but that is temporary contingent on the circumstances of our life, the amount of trauma we have experienced and the quality of our coping skills. At no point can anyone become better than another person, because that is strictly a form of judgment and a complete illusion. Rev. Jeff Rounds for Mixed Recovery, Inc.