As Sick as Our Secrets Suicide, Addiction and the Search for Authenticity

As Sick as Our Secrets – Suicide, Addiction & the
Search for Authenticity

By Dr. Jamie & SusanTarMentor

Suicidal thoughts – like many mental health conditions – can affect anyone regardless of age, gender or background. However as common as they may be, they should not be considered normal. These thoughts are often indicative of more serious issues. Anyone experiencing thoughts of harming themselves is urged to Click Here for Resources.

Red Flag Warnings

According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, suicide is the 11^th leading cause of death in the United States and statistics show that the ration of suicide to murder is 2 to 1.

In recovery we are often reminded that we are as sick as our secrets. Suicidal ideation refers to thinking about, considering, or planning suicide.

As reported in the American Journal of Psychiatry Residents, studies show that someone with a substance use disorder (SUD), especially alcohol abuse, is at 10 to 14 times greater risk of attempting suicide than someone who does not abuse alcohol.

So, let’s start talking openly and honestly to ourselves and to each other. Let’s use this month to talk about our dis-ease and say out loud that it’s OK not to be OK. Too many people feel more disconnected than ever – from themselves, from each other, and from a sense of purpose. This disconnection lies at the heart of a growing mental health crisis – one that manifests in rising suicide rates across demographics. At its core is a profound struggle with authenticity.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” – Brené Brown

Authenticity is not merely a buzzword or a self-help slogan. It is the psychological bedrock of well-being. To live authentically means to align one’s external life with one’s internal truth – to speak, act, and relate from a place of genuine self-awareness and integrity. When this alignment is fractured, the consequences can be devastating.

Suicide is often the tragic culmination of a long-standing internal war. While the causes are multifaceted – ranging from biochemical imbalances to trauma and social isolation – there is a common thread: a deep sense of alienation from one’s true self. People who feel they must wear masks to be accepted, who suppress their emotions to avoid judgment, or who live according to others’ expectations rather than their own values, are at greater risk of despair.

Research supports this connection. Studies have shown that individuals with high levels of self-concealment – those who habitually hide personal distress or identity – report significantly higher levels of depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. Conversely, those who cultivate authenticity through self-reflection, vulnerability, and meaningful relationships tend to experience greater resilience and life satisfaction.

But authenticity is not easy. It requires courage in a culture that often rewards conformity and punishes difference. Social media, for instance, has created a performative landscape where curated personas replace genuine connection. The pressure to appear perfect, successful, or perpetually happy can lead to feelings of inadequacy and shame – emotions that thrive in secrecy and silence.

For LGBTQ+ youth, authenticity can be especially fraught. Coming out, for example, is not just a declaration of identity – it’s a radical act of self-affirmation in the face of potential rejection. Tragically, studies show that LGBTQ+ individuals are at a significantly higher risk of suicide, particularly when they lack supportive environments that honor their authenticity.

So, what can we do?

First, we must create spaces – both personal and societal – where authenticity is safe and celebrated. This means fostering relationships rooted in empathy, listening without judgment, and encouraging honest expression. Mental health professionals must prioritize authenticity in therapeutic settings, helping clients explore their true selves without fear.

Second, we must challenge the stigma surrounding mental health and suicide. Silence breeds shame, and shame is the enemy of authenticity. By speaking openly about our struggles, we not only normalize vulnerability but also offer others permission to do the same.

Finally, we must teach authenticity as a life skill. In schools, workplaces, and families, we should encourage emotional literacy, self-inquiry, and values-based living. When people know who they are – and feel empowered to live accordingly – they are less likely to succumb to hopelessness.

Suicide is not just a personal tragedy; it is a societal failure to nurture the human spirit. If we want to reverse this trend, we must move beyond symptom management and address the deeper existential wounds. We must help people reconnect with their inner truth, and remind them that their authentic self is not only worthy – it is essential.

Now that we are aware, we also have a place to go to transform. It’s called TAR Anon®, STAR Network’s virtual, Polyvagal-inspired, accessible program with authenticity being the goal of all trauma recovery. TAR Anon is an international support fellowship designed for STARs, Survivors of Toxic Abusive Relationships (TAR). TAR Anon offers a trauma-informed, neurosafe environment where individuals can heal from the emotional damage caused by narcissistic and manipulative relationships. If you are ready and want to shed the toxicity in your life, go to TAR Anon and join us.

Because in the end, authenticity is not just a path to healing. It is a lifeline.

 For a comprehensive list of Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources

Click Here

 TAR Anon® meets on ITR every Tuesday at 1 PM Eastern Time