One of the most powerful things I have had to relearn in recovery is how I speak to myself. For years, my inner voice was harsh, unforgiving, and downright cruel. I did not even realize how much damage that voice was doing-the shame kept me trapped, feeling unworthy, and convinced that I would never get better.
Yet, the recovery has shown me something else-the words I speak to myself matter. A lot.
Now, whenever I catch myself saying, “I will never get this right,” or, “I messed everything up,” I try to pause for a moment and ask myself, “Would I say this to someone else who is trying to heal?” No, of course not. Why then would anyone say it to themselves?
I’ve been practicing gentler words towards myself—not because I am pretending everything is okay, but because I want to give myself support as I would to a friend. Here are a few reframes that have been helpful:
- Instead of saying, “I failed again,” I say, “I had a hard moment, but I’m still moving forward.”
- Instead of “I’m hopeless,” try “I’m learning, and that takes time.”
- Instead of saying to myself, “I don’t deserve to be better,” I say, “I am worthy of healing.”
Initially, it felt awkward, as if I was lying to myself. But as I kept at it, those affirmations started to feel real. The more I repeated them, the quieter the old critical voice became.
Recovery is more than about changing behaviors; it’s about changing beliefs. The way I talk to myself shapes what I believe about who I am and what I’m capable of.
If nobody has told you today: You are enough. You are not your past. And you deserve to hear kind words—from others surely, but especially from yourself.
Let us keep showing up for one another with grace, one thought at a time.
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