When someone mentioned freedom at my first 12 step meeting, I wasn’t feeling it—it felt more like I was trapped. I didn’t know it was just what I needed. But I’d been gone a long time, and my life was in a shambles. I felt conspicuous and unprepared for human contact as I faced the

What’s the difference between opiate dependency and addiction. Some say none. I say, there is a big difference! Having spent the better part of last year with chronic back and pelvic pain I have been on and off and on and off opiates. Only to be back on again. This time while I await surgery

When I first left residential treatment, I knew I couldn’t go back home if I wanted to stay sober. I had decided to do outpatient treatment, but I was still worried that wouldn’t be enough to keep me sober. Moving from residential to outpatient meant my time away from structure and therapy was about to

This thing about not being perfect can be a soothing balm to a perfectionist such as myself when I get things blown out of proportion. Mostly my recovery is about “progress not perfection… but I sensed so much frustration around this concept when I first came into recovery. I call myself a perfectionist in recovery,

When I was using my idea of a healthy diet was coffee, a donut, crack, heroin, and maybe a McChicken. I know, sounds very well rounded. Forget about exercise or any sort of healthy movement, no daily walk or bike ride, in fact I think the only moving I was doing was to peek out

To say that 2019 is off to an incredible start would be an understatement. More on that later. To say that the close of 2018 was a dizzying swing between fear and faith would also be an understatement. As I shared, I lost my job in the beginning of November. And that month, or the

    What’s Wrong with ME? The purpose of the 6th and 7th steps in 12-step recovery is to uncover “character defects” and to pray to remove these defects.  I have two issues with this. First, the word “defect” sounds as if there is something wrong with me, something I think or do that is

As last year was drawing to a close I pulled a few old diaries (now called “journals”) from my shelf. It has been years since I looked at them. Some years due to fear and shame, other times avoided in disgust for the sheer repetition in the pain, but this time I pulled some down

“Love your addiction, love yourself.” When I first read these words, they stunned me. It was a complete paradigm shift. Away from guilt and shame and pain, and towards love and forgiveness and well-being. These words were the sub-heading in one of my favorite recovery books, 30 Day Sobriety Solution, part of Day 4: The Forgiveness Solution