my daily reflections…

i wasnt aware what honest faith was while out doin my dirt. if i had any growin up i dont recall it. i did develop a kind of faith in alcohol when i discovered it could take me away from how i was feelin. the faith i had in it strengthened my resolve to use it more so i could escape whenever i needed to. i came to rely upon it and as a result my alcoholism grew right alongside that dependence. on the foundation of alcoholism, i built a life of corruption, selfishness, faith in alcohol, and love of self. i succeeded in each, to the point that i lost meaningful relationships, worthwhile employment, any positive self-esteem, or worthy self-confidence i had. as i poured over my 4th step inventory with my sponsors guidance, what i thought was a healthy balance of independence and self-subsistence, was found out to be a lack of dignity which allowed alcohol to become my master so all i was able to do was live by mammonism. if i had it, it was as stated prior, faith in the escape alcohol brought me. and with that self-fabricated faith i damn neared perished. as i trudged through that initial inventory i needed to be as honest as i could with myself, because it was showin me my true natures. i had to turn the faith i had in alcohol toward a faith in recovery and later faith in my HP. it came in just that order for me too. i hadnt gained enough humility to move from faith in alcohol to faith in God. but as i worked toward fixin me early in my recovery i began to build a relationship with my HP so i could use faith to move forward in my life ever so slowly. i began to feel that He was always there for me even as i was never there for Him. today i have that faith in Him and rely upon it daily. i have, with His help, built a life of honesty, usefulness, unselfishness, effectiveness, faith in God, a healthy love of my fellow human beins, and of self. i have meaningful relationships, worthwhile employment, positive self-esteem, and worthy self-confidence. i can be an individual and a member of society. i get to know that i am gradually gettin rid of the secret shame that causes me to act out of anger and vindictiveness. round the clock faith gives me the power to build character, rather than live by what others think. so long as i never forget, i may never return to a false sense of faith. i understand my real, balanced, and healthy, wants and needs, are needs and wants, that help to bring the answers my HP provides. 1 day @ a time...