my daily reflections…

when i have healthy, realistic, expectations, i get to look forward to somethin happenin in my life after i have worked hard for it. there is a difference today in the meanin of expectation that differs from its meanin when i was out doin my dirt. and this doesnt mean that i bank on my expectations today, because i understand the difference between unhealthy expectations and healthy expectations. see, the old me had expectations that shit would happen for me just because i was me and were formed on a basis of not havin done any work toward obtainin them. recovery has taught me that it is ok to have expectations as long as i dont react negatively to them if they dont come to fruition. when back in the days of doin my dirt, the expectations i had were unrealistic and based on selfishness or a false sense of reality. often times the expectations i had back in those times werent expectations at all, they were demands placed upon people, places, or things that i put assumption, confidence, or trust in because i wanted some miracle to happen out of the clear blue sky. simply put they were what i wanted, when and how i wanted them, without regard to anybody or anythin, or without any thought of the collateral damage that may come from them. ive learned through recovery that the blessins of grace, relief, hope, forgiveness, redemption, and love are there for the takin. i can expect to receive each of these if i put in the proper footwork to receive them. demandin them without ever workin for em is a futile expectation that only leads to butt hurt joel. when i build my character through patience, self-esteem, and humility, an outer show of an inner glow reaches others and pleases me. it stresses action i put forth and makes all of these qualities clear to others. i can live a precarious life of recovery proved beyond doubt by an immense experience with awareness, acceptance, and action as i begin and continue to move forward without false expectation and demand. as i start each day faithfully keepin a quiet time apart with my HP, i get to grow spiritually each day as i live with those around me. 1 day @ a time...