my daily reflections…

the lists ive made in recovery are more than just words on paper; they are a doorway into truth, a startin place for healin the broken and damaged parts of my life. for so long, i had carried around confusion, shame, and a restless spirit, not knowin how to untangle the knots i had tied within myself. but by trustin the process and followin the twelve steps exactly as my sponsor guided me, in the order they were given, i was gradually led to see what i could not have faced on my own. each step revealed layers of who i truly was, exposin not only the wreckage of my past but also the false beliefs, patterns, and behaviors that had been rulin me for years. it was humblin, at times painful, yet necessary. without the guidin hand of God, i had been settin myself up for failure repeatedly, even when i thought i was doin right. i came to see how blind i had been to the truth about myself, and how desperately i needed direction beyond my own will. my sponsor walked with me through this process with patience and care, as tender and steady as a lovin mother guidin her child. there were moments when i wanted to pull away, when surrender felt like too much to ask. yet i had to fully concede that my way of livin was no longer an option. this was no longer about pride or preference; it was life or death. i had already tried livin on my will alone—and it had nearly destroyed me. what saved me was that frame of reference the program offered: start small, take one piece at a time, and let God uncover the deeper roots in his time. that structure gave me hope when i could not yet see the bigger picture. it allowed me to face the shame and guilt i had long avoided, without bein crushed by it. over time, i learned that surrender was not weakness; it was the doorway to freedom. today, that same framework still carries me, not only in the storms of hardship but also in the quieter seasons when complacency tempts me to drift. it reminds me that growth is a lifelong process, and that peace of mind is not the absence of struggle but the presence of God in the midst of it. what a blessin it is now to sit in moments of stillness and feel a confidence that once seemed impossible, a confidence not in myself, but in a sound and peaceful mind rooted in Gods grace and the fellowship of recovery. that, to me, is livin proof that change is real, that healin is possible, and that none of us are ever too far gone to be restored. 1 day @ a time…