my daily reflections…

for much of my life, i lived under the shadow of unresolved pain, some self-inflicted, some not of my makin. i internalized these experiences in ways that distorted my thinkin and behavior, convincin myself i had to protect what was wounded in me by lashin out at others. fear became the lens through which i viewed relationships, and the love that was offered, i often dismissed as false or unsafe. my solution was self-reliance rooted in anger, manipulation, and eventually alcohol, which quieted the storm within but magnified the very fear and loneliness i was tryin to escape. what recovery has taught me is that these unresolved emotions were not simply private burdens, they became weapons i turned outward, shapin a life of selfishness and harm. the fourth through ninth steps gave me a process of excavation, acknowledgment, and reparation, grounded in the surrender of the first three. in workin them, i began to see that healin is not only possible but also requires courage, humility, and guidance. my sponsors support was vital in teachin me how to make amends without inflictin further injury, and how to begin walkin toward emotional balance. today, i understand that words have the power either to fracture or to heal. the discipline of choosin gentleness, born out of spiritual awakenin, has become a daily practice. recovery has given me the gift of choice, choice not to repeat old patterns, choice to build rather than destroy, choice to live with honesty and love. for me, that gift is nothin short of sacred. 1 day @ a time...