my daily reflections…

throughout my recovery ive used prayer as an avenue of communication with my HP so that i could build a relationship with Him. i have used prayer to ask my HP what, when, or how, my next steps should be. ive used prayer as a way to get the things that i have no answer to out of me. these prayers have been much different from the prayers i used to use while out doin my dirt. when fear would strike because i was facin the consequences of my own actions, out would come my fox hole prayers to a santa god. and i need to be honest here about those santa god, fox hole prayers, too. if ya think i ever did what i would promise i would do if he would get me outta this scrape, or that one, ya are as crazy as a wet hen. after comin into recovery and learnin from those who came in before me, how they used prayer, wantin desperately to change my life, i had to do what they did so i could get what they got. prayer was a part of that. buildin a relationship with God wasnt somethin i was lookin forward to, but i had to do somethin. i knew deep within if i continued doin my dirt, i was gonna kill somebody or kill myself. when before my recovery i would scoff at prayer, livin my will and spiritual malady to its fullest. but in recovery i was livin and tryin to get somethin different than i had ever had, i had to start usin faith, and that meant usin prayer. they gave me hope that i could believe, as they did, that God had forgiven me for everythin id done in the past, no matter how terrible it was, provided i was honestly tryin to do the right thing. prayer was a way to get that promise goin. i wanted to have the peace of mind they had, so i had to start somewhere, and prayer, meditation, and faith were my best chance at that start. prayer means that i have to give up the negative pride i had held locked tight, deep within. pride was a mask behind which i hid my feelins. in recovery, ive developed honest self-love and self-respect, i am proud of my achievements and am discoverin, through willingness, the "power" God has given me. prayer has helped me develop an attitude of givin what i have to help someone else. i do this cause ive learned thats what my HP does for me when i pray. prayer has helped me face the fears i have, learnin that what i fear is rarely as bad as the fear itself. when i face everythin with prayer, i get to recover. prayer works. 1 day @ a time...