my daily reflections…

when i came into recovery i didnt know if it would work for me or not. i didnt know if it would help me stop drinkin. i didnt know that if i put half of what i put into drinkin i would get the results i received. full of anger, hate, self-loathin, and unforgiveness, i didnt have any other options. everythin i had tried myself failed me. will power, simple abstinence, switchin to different drinks, everythin and anything, nothin worked. filled with mistrust, irritation, restlessness, and discontent only begged me to reach out for another drink. it was what i did, it was all i knew. blinded by resentment toward others for the shit i had done myself i couldnt see my part in how i got to the place i was. conceits consumed me well into my early recovery. though i had stopped the drinkin and had stopped some of the consequences drinkin always seemed to cause, i tried as best i could to get what the others that i was listenin to, had. i seen the gratitude and happiness that blasted out from within them, and i wanted it so desperately myself. turnin anger and hate into thankfulness, gratitude, and love, couldnt happen for me if i kept the resentment i had nurtured all my life. i had to let it go! i had to do what they were doin. as i trudged forward, bitin my tongue and keepin my loudmouth shut, learnin how to have faith in somethin greater than i, learnin how to trust others, and later myself, i began to feel within the thankfulness, gratitude, and love that was bein given to me. it wasnt as easy as it sounded. i had work to do. not so much stoppin the drinkin, as i found, as time went by that obsession subsided, i had work to do on me, my behavior, and my thinkin. the steps helped me with that as i became more honest. today i aint got those struggles like i did durin the first couple years of my recovery. strength and courage have come from comin to believe in a HP that helps me daily. i get to live a spiritual experience i could have never told ya about when i first came in. im grateful for the freedom to cooperate with others, myself, and my HP. i have reason to. i still live with difficulties and confusion sometimes but can accept them as a part of real life. i get to feel serenity when i accept the mixture that is real life. i get to live a life that God has removed, whatever self-will i can dream, that has blocked me from Him in the past. i have a full and thankful heart. 1 day @ a time...