my daily reflections…

today i dont live with near the dishonesty, selfishness, or self-pity i did when i first came into the rooms. it doesnt mean that i am cured of these basic human emotions, or character defects/shortcomins just cause i have years in recovery, cause i still have em. and they do come to me when i least expect them to appear. its that today i have a different way to recognize and deal with em so they dont take over too much. the way i learned how to recognize how they feel within, and then how to achieve peace of mind away from them, was through personal inventory. i dont want anybody to think that i have mastered anything, because just as my recovery has grown and evolved, these feelins have to. i can be tricked into them sometimes just as easy today as i was before my recovery began. ya see, i get from my life what i put into it, even in recovery. i can put shitty thinkin into my life and get a pot of shit instead of a pot of gold. however, when i recognize these emotions, and sometimes even have to be told im behavin like a spoiled rotten selfish little bitch, i get the opportunity to turn it all around so that i may experience that feelin of quiet satisfaction, peace, serenity, and gratitude for the grace of my HP. see, i learned how to manage these things through step fours personal inventory. what i thought may have been a fearful venture, and was at times, turned into bein somethin that benefitted my life dearly. ive been given free will to choose how i want to feed my alcoholism today. i can give into it and receive the shit i did back in the days of doin my dirt, or i can use the solutions ive found through recovery and my HP from personal inventory. if i choose to live on through self-pity, dishonest, or self-seekin motives, when i finally look up from my misery, i get to see a life worth livin. cause like i said, sometimes i get fooled into my alcoholism rather easily. today i understand how destructive these flaws can be, emotionally, psychologically, behaviorally, and spiritually. and when i find i cant turn off these corrodin threads, i can turn em over to my HP. my life is a steady drizzle of small things, but when i carry the umbrella of recovery, i get to dance over the puddles of self. 1 day @ a time...