my daily reflections…

recovery has taught me, through each step, that in order for me to understand the malady of alcoholism, i must first tackle self. with the steps i mentioned, and Gods grace, today i get to understand how alcoholism may affect another. but i couldnt have such an understandin until i was open enough to see how alcoholism affected me. when i was able to see, through actual evidence throughout my life how the malady of my alcoholism had made me change my behavior and thinkin, pavin the way for me to allow my alcoholism to make the decisions i was posed to be makin, i became able to learn how it had affected me emotionally, psychologically, behaviorally, and spiritually. i had been the one, i was the one that allowed my alcoholism to make me weak, stupid, and irresponsible. it became so bad i could not even tolerate my own bein, so why not drink more to shove it all deeper within. i needed all the 12 spiritual principles to help me understand my own illness and the disorders it created. the prior steps i mentioned were key to gainin an understandin of my disease. i had to look at me. with this deep interpersonal look, finally understandin that i was ill in most every area of my life, both outside and within, i get to have an understandin of how anothers alcoholism or addiction may affect them. its not my place to judge them or call them out, but hopefully, with the tellin of what it was like, what happened, and what it is like today, they can make the determination as to their own possible illness. because as i learned, i wasnt truly a bad person, and i feel others arent either, it was my weakness to the power of alcohol and drugs that had me behavin and thinkin the ways that i did, makin me a bad person. wow, reality. so, with this self-understandin, today i have a better understandin of alcoholism. its not me, its not them, its the disease of alcoholism. today i get to make somethin better of my life. i get to be a good artisan of the materials, which i have been given to use. i get to remain an open book, not ashamed of what and who i am. i get to live with a confidence i never had before. i hope that my lifes story will accurately convey the miracle and hope of my recovery. as i further gain wisdom, i relax, i am prepared, i can let go of my timin, and stop manipulatin outcomes. good things happen when the time is right, and they happen naturally. i get to bring somethin when i work with others. life didnt end when i got sober, it started. im spiritually on the beam; everythin is right, and with hope and faith, i get to willingly help others. 1 day @ a time...