my daily reflections…

learnin how to take it easy came slowly for me. i had been so used to tryin to force my will all over the place that, “takin it easy”, only ever came after i started hittin a whiskey jug. to not have my crutch so new to sobriety made it very difficult to let go and let God. hell man, even as i may have believed in Him, i had NO faith in Him. many times, i just sat in the rooms in my early recovery just seethin in anger, self-pity, pain, and selfishness. bein at peace certainly came slowly for me, i was on EDGE mannn. it was literally months before i could get any rest emotionally, psychologically, behaviorally, and spiritually, that could be considered healthy, but it did come. i had to learn to meditate, close my mind to my own interference. i tried yoga, i tried sittin quietly, i listened to music on headphones, i took walks, i watched movies, but most importantly, i listened to those in the rooms who had what i wanted. as i developed friendships with those in the rooms and the relationship i was cultivatin with my HP grew, the nurturin awareness that He was there, began to grow. peace of mind began to come as the little bits of trust and faith in this thing we do began to spread within me. responsiveness to it was strange, i had to learn to accept it because i constantly felt like somethin was wrong within. today, from those early long-lived moments of my early days in recovery, i can close my mind to outside and inner conflict and listen intently to what my HP offers. sometimes its nothin at all, but a soothin time of reflection and thankfulness. its like the reality of the life im livin isnt as bad as i once thought it was in my early recovery. i dont have to play the martyr to my own actions, behaviors, and thinkin, when i use what ive heard and keep a conscious contact with my HP. i have an ability to cast all fear out of my life with a simple reliance in trust and faith in spirituality, rather than self. today faith dares my soul to go beyond what my eyes can see. ive realized that back in the day when i didnt have God, i had no peace, the difference from then to now is i know God and get to know peace. 1 day @ a time...