my daily reflections…

in surrenderin my self-will, it took me time. i had to build trust within, not only in an entity i couldnt see or touch, but in the people i was interactin with in my newfound circle of recovery. and to start all this trust, in my early sobriety, i had to build trust with myself. i had to know i could withstand temptation as best as i possibly could at the time. i had to test myself in areas i had severely neglected throughout my active alcoholism. i wanted to live with peace of mind like id seen those around me doin. if i wanted to live with harmony around me, it had to start with me bein kind to those i interacted with. now i understand the limits of my self-will, and buildin the trust with self, was certainly an undertakin in the process of surrenderin it. as i said i could only take trust so far without the help of my sponsor and those whom i had started buildin trust within the rooms. makin a decision to do somethin was simple, the part that wasnt so easy was doin it. as the trust i was growin myself matured and progressed, an unabated manufacturin of confidence with those around started to be refined. as i said, i needed to experience the tangible reality of trust so surrenderin self-will to an intangible entity with some sort of blind faith could happen. as the bits of trust with self and those around me grew, faith in my HP just happened. i sensed i started feelin it as the quality of my life began gettin better. the 4 absolutes of honesty, purity, unselfishness, and love were very slowly replacin dishonesty, impurity, malevolence, and hate, and i started feelin better on the inside. i must state today, that this process was not somethin that just happened over night, it literally took me months to overcome me. it took honesty and hope to start lettin loose of self-will, and to be honest, i still battle it today. years later, i just battle it differently than i ever did before. ive had to set daily goals and focus on them relentlessly. my old habits had to change. i had to practice bein kind to myself, others, and my HP. i learned the gritty pain of alcoholism is the traction of recovery. i had to commit to right actions, makin them the best apologies for wrong behavior, actions, and thinkin in the past. as a result of surrenderin self-will, today i get to dance with my HP. 1 day @ a time...