my daily reflections…

listenin to others tell the story of their experience, their strength, and then hope, i was able to hear how others had been through similar situations as i had been, but most emphatically how their story made them feel prior to comin into the rooms. surely the things i heard of the circumstances that surrounded them was of interest to me, the real kicker was the way they felt. i could identify and recognize a close resemblance as to how i had felt when i was out doin my dirt and in my early recovery. as i worked with my sponsor and he told of his own experience, i could most def pick out the likenesses in my own. it became apparent to me, as i forcefully looked at all the shit i had been through, how i alone had made decisions and then committed actions and behaviors which put me in positions to be harmed. damn, my self-will, i had caused all this damage, and boy how it rattled in my head in my early recovery. this was somethin i couldnt fix alone. it was evident as i wrote my story down, looked at it honestly, then shared it with my sponsor. just as step 2 had shown a way for me to start to know my own spirituality, step 3 showed me the reasons and ways it was essential that i make the decision and action to form a relationship with my HP. i had made an enemy of myself, then i had to learn to love myself. how could i? i had to learn and understand the wounds and wants that had made up my life. i found that it is a humblin experience to admit there is a Power greater than myself. i had always felt powerful as an alcoholic, especially when i was showin my ass. damn, how that power was an illusion; damn, how i used it to hide the truth. i had to admit my powerlessness and acknowledge my need for a Power greater than myself. still today its my choice, unlike my alcoholism, my HP does not force me to do anythin, but waits until i choose. ive learned i aint gotta take action any particular way; im the one who decides to turn my life over to the care of my HP. i only need to sense a spiritual presence ready to help me when im ready to accept my powerlessness and total lack of control. 1 day @ a time...