my daily reflections…

the obstacles of unreasonable demands kept me from receivin the feelins of wholesome goodness from my HP for a very long time while i was out doin my dirt. and still can when i go to lettin go and lettin joel. i can recall in my early recovery how the struggle with tryin to accept His will for me was so strong. i fought it so cause it brought such strong emotion within. emotions that i had fought all the days of doin my dirt with alcohol. as i began usin the intuitive voice, as it grew stronger within, conformin to it with lil bits of willingness, it brought me revelations of success over my self-will. i began to understand how those in the rooms and my sponsor had what they had. i got to see the beauty of their character and then try to live those characters in my life, and it worked as i parroted em, though tough at the time. and this took months in my early recovery. remember, i lived, as a resident, in a halfway house for 2 ½ years. the battle took that much time for me to let loose of the misuse of my will power. and to be honest, as i look back today, it was only a small bit, provin to me with personal inventorys today, just how strong my alcoholism truly is. though i am much stronger today, i can still let go of good orderly direction. what makes me successful today is the ability to sense it, then use the solutions recovery has taught me, to overcome misuse of my will. step 3s principle of faith most def helped me open the door of faith to help the growth & change i get to continue to live today. today, i get to feel my entire body unwindin and relaxin as i give up my resistance and struggle. i get to learn to accept life as it comes and learn to flow with it with peace of mind. life is what it is. people are who they are. all the wishin, tryin, and strugglin cannot change this. i used to try to change things with my alcoholism, self-will, compulsions, and obsessions, and it NEVER worked. i had to learn to accept that it is what it is. procrastination doesnt work, its unhealthy and causes my shit to come between me and the will of my HP. but faith allows me to move forward past the procrastination and fear i face. ive learned i cant do His will my way. however, with humility & faith, i get to let loose of the obstacles of unreasonable demands so i may be assured that the grace of God can do for me what i cannot do for myself. 1 day @ a time...