my daily reflections…

lookin at the faults of my own can still be difficult sometimes. i want to think i have removed the character defects and shortcomins that kept me so ill back in the days of doin my dirt. however, when i practice the 12 spiritual principles of this thing we do, this recovery program, as its laid out in the big book, i get to find out that some of the faults and drawbacks to right action are still alive within me. mannn, im over 16 years sober! i have practiced and lived the principles of recovery with diligence and perseverance! ive fuckin worked hard at overcomin self so i aint gotta go through, or put others through, what i did in my days of drinkin! how can i still suffer from my own wants? ok, thats what my ego wants me to believe. thats how my false pride tells me to react when i start feelin all fucked up inside. and doesnt the big book tell me that i must continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as i go along? that my look into joel should continue for my lifetime. that i should continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. that when these crop up, i ask God at once to remove them. that i discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if ive harmed anyone, because love and tolerance of others is our code? well, im an alcoholic, i need to be aware that some of the faults and weaknesses i have will remain with me the rest of my life. sometimes, my chaos demands to be recognized and experienced before lettin itself be converted into a new order. complacency will kill me. what i get to have today is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. im gonna, unwittingly, make mistakes over and over again in my life. its how i handle those mistakes found through inventory that tell the story of my personal program of recovery. i will never be perfect, though it doesnt mean i stop tryin to strive for spiritual progress. today, i get to surrender to, accept, and tolerate, my humanness, while continuin to work toward Godliness. i get to admit my wrongs honestly and become willin to set these matters straight. i aint livin just to be sober; im livin to learn, to serve, and to love. 1 day @ a time...