my daily reflections…

for my initial 4th step inventory and 5th step tell, i wrote down the shit that had plagued me the most and brought me in to the rooms broken. i had many resentments, many fears, and many behavior problems i had to get off my chest and unload. since that 1st attempt ive done many more personal inventorys and tells of those items. as ive grown and evolved in recovery, the onion, so to speak, has been peeled back revealin layers i could not see in my early recovery. its been my experience that lettin go and lettin God is a beneficial act of willingness. even more so however, is the tell of what i find within to another person. this is where, i feel, the rubber hits da road. it breaks me down so i may further let loose what i find to my HP. lettin go of my old self can bring much fear because im lettin another know the secrets i try to hide and hold on to. but true freedom comes for me when i give up my dirt to another. one of the worst things i can do is let go and let joel. i must remain willin, no matter how many times i pull my shit back from my HP, to continue to give Him what troubles me most. in my own hands, i only make shit worse. its been my experience that when i let go and let God, i get to feel good in the mornin; i have full use of my intelligence; i find joy in my work; i get to live the love and trust of those important in my life; i have a lack of remorse; enjoy the confidence of my friends; look forward to the prospect of a happy future; own an appreciation of the beauties of nature; and can own an understandin of what my life is meant for. if i cannot let go of old self, i dont get to experience these gifts granted by my HP through recovery. with a simple willingness to reshape and form my life i get to mold it by cuttin and shapin my emotional, psychological, behavioral, and spiritual health into somethin good, somethin that can express the spiritual evolution and growth recovery offers me. those old patterns of behavior and lifestyle cannot be let go of unless i live the change recovery offers. i get to embrace a spiritual lifestyle when im honest with myself. my problems are solved when i use the solutions to become aware, accept, and take healthy actions with the answers made available through the 12 spiritual principles. 1 day @ a time...