my daily reflections…

step 6 is another opportunity for me to move forward with my recovery and allow my HP to further take from me the shit ive written down in step 4 and told to another in step 5. even as i may have started this process in earlier steps, this is where i actually let that shit go mannn. its where i continue to build upon the integrity of step 5. it means i use the fortitude ive started to grow in step 4 within usin courage, to finally, use the hope and faith i started growin in steps 2 & 3 to let go & let God. sometimes its not as easy as it may sound for me to do, however, when i let it go lil bits at a time, i get to feel the freedom it gives me. this is when i know that this thing we do is workin in my life. another caveat for me to not fall prey to, is me confusin my will, with His will. i must remain willin and entirely ready, so i may feel His presence within when i let shit go. i can usually tell when ive confused my will, thinkin its His will, because i dont feel the freedom or peace of mind givin it away brings. instead, i feel irritable, restless, and discontented within. its a sure sign ive confused my will for His. and sometimes, His will, even as i truly dont know what that may be, may cause me confusion within because im experiencin somethin new ive never dealt with before. not to allow myself to use the willingness to allow my HP to take my problems is just me tryina control shit causin me the irritability, restlessness, and discontent my alcoholism wants me to feel. it is my belief that when i listen for the still, small voice of God, obeyin the leadin of my conscience, my HPs will doesnt cause me to feel tossed within by the irritability, restlessness, or discontent my will may. im so extremely fortunate to be livin in a day and age when there is such a thing as this thing we do and the fellowship which surrounds it. i always have someone i can bounce shit off of so i may be certain if my motives are clean, right, and good intentioned or all fucked up and full of joel. i want to be my own best hero today, but more times than not, i gotta use recovery to become that. and willingness to give it all up helps me accomplish this. remainin entirely ready, i get the ability to set aside my busy pace of life, my worryin and frettin, and my “take charge” attitude for a period of time which includes peace of mind. when i live life, i need God. 1 day @ a time...