my daily reflections…

i learned in my early recovery how much i had relied on my character defects and shortcomins to help me live through my daily life. i nurtured and cared for em, keepin em protected so they were safe. recovery showed me through the process of the 12 spiritual principles how i needed em to keep me goin. how through their practice i was able to grow and evolve the self-centered fear that kept me wrapped in my selfishness, how i wasnt willin to be open to anythin or anybody that interfered with em. immediately, when i felt someone tryin to come in, the walls of self-righteousness and ego slammed shut so i wouldnt have to feel the fears that were within. whether good or bad, i always seemed to want more of what ever would sooth the beasts within that kept makin me feel i was livin life as i perceived it was intended or i wanted. recovery taught me, then showed me through personal inventory how i had demanded more than i was allowed. it was where i began to steal and take away from others their peace, their joy, and their comfort, for my own personal wants. havin gained this knowledge so early in my recovery, how was i to make it all change in one day. well, just as my character and shortcomins took time to grow and evolve, so did the process of recovery as i lived it as best as i could. no matter how hard i wished em all away, those troubled times and bad feelins, i needed to take the time to grow and evolve my recovery. today i understand, as best as i can, the potential for long-term hope. ive been fortunate to live the results of what recovery can do. im not done yet, im still progressin. alcoholism is a progressive illness. recovery is a progressive healthy wellness. i aint ev gonna be perfect, but i can move toward it, by doin what i perceive is my HPs will. i just gotta be willin to live life on lifes terms, not mine. as i continue to reach forward and upward, my character changes by this reachin upward for the things of the spirit. im not dead, nor foolish any longer; i can change my emotional, psychological, behavioral, and spiritual health. i must keep with a willingness to change, so my journey toward my HPs will, may continue forward. its that long-term hope that doesnt fade. even as i may not have come into the rooms on a winnin streak, i get the opportunity to change that each mornin i awaken with hope. 1 day @ a time...