my daily reflections…

havin been enlightened to, and made to, look at things within, helped me to honestly face shit that i had always tried to avoid and work around. recovery taught me the crushin weight tryin to keep all that shit truly was. it also showed me how i could deal with all that weight personally. i had to take responsibility for the things i had done and said to others and myself. without this look within, i could have never found solutions that put the quandaries within to rest. i would have been resigned to the morgue or the insanity loneliness offers. fortunately, for me, my life before recovery had beaten me down enough to be able to be open to a new vision, action, and grace so i could bear the personal responsibility to surrender and accept the place i had come to within. it allowed me to literally see, on paper before me, the kind of person my alcoholism had driven me to. i didnt want to be that person ever, then, or livin forward. this look and the surrender and acceptance of what i had found made humility possible. humility began to be the catalyst for dignity. i needed both so it could be possible for me to receive Gods help. givin the tell of my 5th step was huge for me, but openin up to the willingness to finally give all i had found to my HP and keep givin it back to Him each time i pulled it away from Him, was instrumental in my growth toward today. ive learned by doin these simple things that lil by lil, the character defects and shortcomins that caused so much resentment, self-centered fear, and immoral behavior, have lessened over my time in recovery. i still have to deal with em, but today i aint gotta try to lock em up, i can face me with solutions that work toward livin the change recovery offers. ive been able to perceive what i realize Gods purpose for my life may be, and today, can choose what i feel is good for my soul. ive turned what ive found into spiritual food, so i may landscape and nurture my soul with this spiritual food. ive used it to open up to change and have learned how to not only love myself, but like myself. i get to exercise a special vigilance as an insurance against egotism. by openin up to change i get to check myself often by rememberin today im sober only by the grace of God and that any success i may get to live is far more His success than mine. 1 day @ a time...